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What is Happiness?
(Author and empowerment coach Elaine Sihera)
Elaine Sihera, author and empowerment coach, and founder of the Windrush Women of the Year Awards, asks a burning life question.
I recently told a fellow whom I loved that his love for me was the icing on the cake, but the love for myself was the cake itself! I was supremely happy with me as I was, and any other attention, though most welcomed, I regarded mainly as a bonus, not the main course. He was rather surprised by my statement, interpreting it that I didn’t really love him, but it was actually the opposite. I was able to love him lots through loving me first.
I didn’t always feel like this. My self-love has been a gradual and painful process. Loving myself as I do, I could appreciate him as a whole being with all his faults and facets and allow space for us both to develop as individuals and as a couple. If I were expecting his love to make me happy, we wouldn’t really last too long because one or both of us would gradually become dependent upon the other, clinging like limpets for our happiness until the relationship becomes claustrophobic or the victim of resentment and jealousy.
Someone To Complete Us
I have noticed that too many people seeking partners tend to say that they are seeking someone to make them ‘laugh’ or to make them ‘happy’. Yet every relationship should have two 100% whole people, not two halves seeking someone else to complete them! We are all seeking happiness of one kind or another. That is essential to our well being. But that vague, yet important, state of existence, which we often associate with people and material things, appears to be the bane of our lives. We never seem to have enough happiness at all. It seems to be always elusive, even when we actually possess everything we desire. But no one, or any external thing, can ever make us truly happy because happiness is not a destination which we work towards. We cannot postpone happiness until we get that new job, that new house or that new man or woman.
Happiness is a state of mind based on our sense of worth; a feeling which we generate whenever we wish according to the level of self-love we possess. If we feel great, we feel unstoppable. It takes little to make us happy because happiness becomes integral to our lives. We feel good about ourselves so we feel good about others and our world. If we feel little love for ourselves, especially when we have not been treated appreciatively, or with any value, in our lives, happiness will continue to elude us. We will always feel cheated in some way – unwanted, insignificant and excluded.
Happiness is the greatest indicator that we are happy with our bodies, identities and progress. We tend to see the world as a ‘challenge’ as opposed to it being a ‘problem’. Others can share that happiness, perhaps enhance it in some way, or even reduce it temporarily, but they cannot create or maintain it for us. Only we can do that. We have to feel happy in the first place; we have to be able to possess that happiness before someone else can share it.
Misery Forever
That is why people who tend to be the misery type remain like that forever, even if they feel momentarily ‘happy’ through an external source. Such a state is not permanent because it is not based on self love. It is generated by someone else. So when that person withdraws, the pain of rejection becomes doubly hard to bear and even confirms our ‘unwanted’ state. As soon as there is a problem, or the honeymoon stage is over, we slip back into the old ways of sadness or complaining because unhappy people are usually unhappy with themselves and their world. They will remain in that state forever if they do not make a serious effort to change from within and recognise the magnificent unique individuals they are.
How do you feel inside you today?
Is your happiness dependent upon someone else’s attention or behaviour?
Does it depend on the next event or the next exciting possession?
Or is that actually masking what would really make you happy?
More about Elaine:
www.elainesihera.co.uk
Where Art Thou Black Woman?
(Patryce “Choc’Let” Banks)
Is that you under a synthetic-maned disguise?
Kinky Straight, Spiral Curl Italian Mink, Wet and Wavy.
Is that you behind those plastic eyes?
Blue, green, hazel, purple, and gray.
Are those your warm full lips that spew
words of surrender and defeat?
Forgetting lessons your ancestors taught you,
making promises you don’t plan to keep?
Are those your hands with the weak grasp,
offering an artificial acrylic touch?
Is that you behind that mask?
Your features sharp, sterile, carved, and cut up.
Can that be your body?
Exposed, inviting x-rated handling.
Bitch, ho, chickenhead, hoodrat, trick.
Is that your character the black man is slandering?
Black Woman where are you?
Who’s going to teach our sons and daughters?
Girl, you’ve got work to do!
Good ole’ home training,
passed from our mothers and fathers.
Black Woman you’re out there somewhere
strong, proud, and true.
Of civilization you are the mother,
when I find you I will know you,
one queen to another…
More about Patryce “Choc’Let” Banks:
http://www.patrycechocletbanks.com/
THE SYMPHONY OF SILENCE
(by Blanche Williams)
Many fear the sound of silence because of a perceived sense of judgment, isolation or lack of stimulation. On the contrary, silence can be a golden opportunity for subtle growth, uncluttered
reflection and insightful revelation.
Our lives represent the most delicate instrument in our divine symphony. Its mastery requires an uncommon commitment, persistent practice, and decisive discipline. We will live more soulful lives as we learn the language of harmony, the power in performance and the art of self-appreciation.
The pulse of silence discovered within the soothing sounds of nature or the rhythms of your favorite melody can be a powerful catalyst to rejuvenate your spirit of playful exploration and uninhibited expression.
Capture those moments that exhilarate your creativity and remind you of your incredible purpose in this vast universe.
Capture those moments that expand your narrow vision and allow you to soar to greater heights.
Capture and capitalize on those moments that breathe life into your imagination.
Your windows of opportunity for greatness can be hidden amidst the mildew of mediocrity and forgotten promises. Listen to the whispers of change that dance within the silent breeze of your renewed vision.
Find your symphony of mind in the silence, truth and enlightenment that life offers.
Trust your inner voice and intuitive nature.
Appreciate the unspoken essence of your spiritual oneness.
Apply the treasures that quietly strengthen your connection to the Divine.
Everyone hears the symphony of life differently, yet all sounds are orchestrated to penetrate your higher frequency of consciousness. Unfortunately, you sometimes receive the static and unrecognizable sounds that clutter your airwaves of achievement. Filter out those disruptive sounds and realign your senses to a clearer channel.
Take the time to absorb the soul of silence. Allow it to submerge your thoughts and intoxicate your imagination to revolutionize your evolution towards wholeness. Whether you’re experiencing a quiet starry night, your favorite song, the incense of laughter or the heartbeat of love, your inner soliloquy will synchronize to create a magical moment.
In the silence there is a symphony playing your song.
Imagine your symphony of possibilities!
Imagine your possibilities!
If you have questions or comments about this article or you want to know more about living life to the fullest in spite of the obstacles that sometimes stand in our way, email this to:blanche@greatnessbydesign.com
http://www.blanchewilliams.com/index.htm
Strong Black WomanSyndrome
(By Zhana, picture will follow)
As women of African heritage, we are often subject to what I call the
“Strong Black Woman Syndrome”.I’m not trying to claim that the brothas don’t suffer from something similar, I am just speaking from my own perspective as a sistah.
Whatever difficulties, challenges and frustrations we face, we play the same old tape that says: I’m strong, I’m tough, I can handle it, I’ve got everything under control. Of course, it’s true – we are strong and tough, confident and capable. What I am saying is that this is not the whole story.
For many generations, we have had to be strong and tough.This was how we survived.It was how our families and our communities survived. We had to stay in control. But there was a terrible price to pay, and we paid the price.
We lost touch with ourselves, to a certain extent. We lost touch with our feelings and our experience.We lost our ability to be real, evenwith our closest friends and loved ones.
Other people – white people, our men – saw us asbeing strong for them.We were strong for them. We were always feeding someone else, caring for someone else. But we were often not there for ourselves. And we passed on this syndrome to our children, from one generation to the next.
When you are feeling vulnerable, are you afraid to admit it – even to yourself? If you are feeling tired or scared or lonely, do you see this as a sign of weakness? Are you ashamed to let anybody see you cry?Do you always ‘look on the bright side’ or use ‘positive thinking’ and believe that this is going to solve all your problems? Are you willing to admit when you have a problem? Are you willing to ask for and receive help?
Before you can begin to find a solution, you first have to be willing to admit you are in difficulties. And you have to be willing to ask for help.Andbe ready to receive help and support when it is available and on offer.
After you have cleared out the problems, difficulties and obstacles, then you can begin to create a better life – the glorious life you deserve.But first you have to be willing to be real about what is going on for you – all the hurts, frustrations and fears that are part of the human experience.
To be a strong Black woman means to be able to be real.
Really real.
Zhana
www.blacksuccess1.com
To find out ways to heal old hurts, wounds, difficulties and traumas, check out Finding Solutions at :
http://www.blacksuccess1.com/findingsolutions.htm
To read about Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), visit: http://groups.msn.com/NurtureSuccess/emotionalfreedomtechniqueeft.msnw
“Love Me Heart & Soul My Black Man”
(Feon Davis)
POEM:
Love Me like you look up to the Sky
Love Me Heart and Soul my Black Man
Love Me by giving me your time
Love Me Heart and Soul My Black Man
Love Me with embrace and tender kisses
Love Me Heart and Soul my Black Man
Love Me by Holding my hand tightly
Love Me Heart and soul my Black Man
Love Me and I will commit to your Heart and Soul
Love Me Heart and Soul my Black Man
Love Me enough to propose to me
Love Me Heart and Soul my Black Man
Love me only for long as we shall Live in Jesus Name.
written by Feon Davis
Feon Davis lives in Morehead City North Carolina for the major of her life. She single Black woman living in beautiful part of the crystal coast with her family. She has a family that includes mom and dad and two brothers and two pets. Miss Davis also grew up with strong faith in Lord and carry this on into her writings. She started writing at the age of 9 years of age.
She read few books like: Maya A, Robert Front, Edgar Allen Poe. Butmy truelove is the Holy Bible.
Accomplishment:
Published:
Paper Wings and Breakwater Newspaperof CCC1990s thu 96
RECENT:
“Think Thank of Tangerine Sky Producations Ltd go to:
http://tangerinesky.faithweb.com
member of Inspirational Station Online Magazine go to:
http://inspirationstation.faithweb.com
“The Visual Messenger by Roo Palmergo to:
http://spweblog.com/roopalmer
Website: www.inthearmsofgod.com Email me: davis@inthearmsofgod.com
Comments and feedback. To read other poems go to: Refuge In Him
Interest in my books: Inspirational book or Christian books
Your mission and values
(by Tracy Fulce)
Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen.
-Martin Luther-
The very wise Tami LaGrone once said “A square peg will fit into a round hole if you beat it long enough”. She’s right. Many of us force ourselves into positions, roles, and behaviors that are inconsistent with our natural instincts, urges, and talents. Rather than consciously creating lives in line with who we really are, we choose to pound away at our self-esteem, self-worth and values until a once perfectly shaped square peg is misshapen and bent, awkwardly stuffed into a round hole. We disconnect from our visionary selves, choosing a life removed from the truth of who we really are.
It is not ok to push your skills and gifts into a box of judgment. The expectations we pick up in our travels do not have to be the roadmap of our life. Simply put, the beauty of you is unique and it is completely ok to use your sense of knowing, that inner guide, to determine your experience in the world. You can be round or square, triangular or octagonal. You are the shape you were meant to be and there is a perfect fit for you in the world and your soul knows what it is.
A mission statement is the expression of your soul’s purpose. Like a mantra, an affirmation, or pronouncement, a mission is an expression of the essence of who you are and what you do, a base of operation for experiencing and interacting with the world. Imagine a life where you spend your days doing the things that you love with the people that are most important to you. Create a life that is full and complete, without limits or blocks, where you are always the best version of yourself. A carefully expressed mission allows us the freedom to focus on the things that we truly value and move away from the things that do not serve our greater purpose.
You cannot fail at being you. Your mission is yours to live. True success awaits you.
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